A lot of times when I meet mums with toddlers, we invariably end up discussing how this next gen is bound to grow up as brats and share our fears of watching our little angels inevitably turn into these egoistic, always demanding and never satisfied, brigade of young tyrants!While we are quick to blame the indulgent grand parents who are ever so ready to cater to every demand of their little prince or princess, we are equally quick to point out how we completely disagree with this over pampering and are always worried about ensuring that we are able to preserve our kids’ inherent simplicity and not let him become a part of the show off brigade. But honestly none of us are really able to talk about a single concrete step that we have taken to actually ensure that we and our kids are not swayed in by this new tide of over indulgent parenting!
Most of us grew up without even a quarter of the kinds of toys, gadgets and in general just opportunities that are now available to our kids, so somewhere I guess it is natural for us to want to make the most of it for them! More than Baby S it is often I who is tempted by the really cool car wash station that can create foam or polish the car, at the press of a single button or the huge firetruck that has lights, sounds and even a water hose that can spray water or the super cute cooking set with every possible cooking amenity! More often than not we end up giving our children all and more of what they could even desire or imagine! Imagine being the key word here. Because this over indulgence is not restricted to the material things, it spreads pretty quickly to all aspects of parenting, starting with the zillion classes we decide to enroll our kids into. Before they even know or understand sport, they are already 6 months into football and tennis lessons. They might not even understand the basics of the game but we as parents take it upon ourselves to develop their interest, thus robbing them the experience of actually developing an interest for a sport and the yearning to learn or excel at it! It’s almost like creating our own little fairy-tale with our kids as central characters where we have pre-decided all their likes and dislikes and created the’perfect’ world for them.
I still remember the barbie doll house that my parents bought me after months of cajoling and only when I scored well in my exams! It was my favourite toy not only because it was absolutely adorable, by the standards of those times of course, but because it gave me this great feeling of having accomplished something. And if like us, my parents had just handed it over to me the first time they saw it at the store or at my first demand, it probably would not have given me half the happiness that it did. And that lesson stayed with me long after I was in college and for something as insignificant as a snow globe! Even though I could have just walked into the store and bought it right off the shelf as soon as I saw it, I waited and bought it only when I scored well in my finals and it sat pretty next to my bedside, reflecting my happiness and pride. Maybe somewhere in our excitement of giving our kids everything that we can possibly afford, we are robbing them of these simple and yet imperative life lessons that will hold them strong long after that new shiny guitar breaks down.
Having said that I completely agree that trying to break this cycle of over indulgent parenting and teaching our children the virtue of earning a reward is not simple. What could help is taking baby steps, instead of trying to make extreme and drastic changes at the first instance itself. We worked with a reward chart for Baby S. The chart had every day of the week listed along a column of goals. Initially these goals were created by me and ranged from eating his meal without a fuss to picking up after playtime. And for every activity that Baby S was able to successfully complete he received a star or a stamp and once he received 5 stars he could get a toy or a trip to his favourite play area. However as Baby S started enjoying this routine and taking pride in earning those stars, we started changing the goals every week with Baby S playing an active role in determining the goals as well as the rewards that would follow. A simple routine that slowly but surely helped Baby S develop the habit of not just demanding things but actually working towards earning it and experiencing the pride and joy of accomplishing the goal that he would set for himself!
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