As a working mum in a nuclear set up, more often than not, finding ‘me’ time even on weekends becomes quite a challenge. And invariably when this constant running around goes on week after week, the body finally protests and I end up lying in bed for a day or two atleast! I’m sure there are many others mums who sail in the same boat. And probably make the same resolve to take care of their health and pretty much give up on that resolve within a week max.
As I lie in bad, nursing a bad headache and fever, I force myself to introspect as to why is something so vital is treated with such a callous attitude! And the answer is pretty much what I expected – guilt. Guilt of not being around to have the house in the perfect condition, guilt of not living up to social commitments, guilt of not spending enough quality time with baby S and the list can go on. So if I decide to go out for lunch with friends and a movie on a weekend, then I must compensate with grocery shopping or cleaning some part of the house or taking baby S out or organising some elaborate activity for him, ensuring that I am left with absolutely no time to just put my feet up for some much needed R&R! and this is the same pattern that we tend to follow the moment the child is born. We just somehow dawn this invisible cloak and decide that its our responsibility to do it all! And if we are not waking up every time the baby even stirs, or if we are not there for every single bath time, diaper change or worse if we decide to introduce the bottle and are not personally feeding the baby, we somehow become ‘terrible and SELFISH mums’. I’m all for not taking advantage of the help offered by friends and family, but is it really so bad if for a few weeks or even months, your mother or mother in law helps with the kitchen or if your spouse helps with one of the bottle feeds?!
Ultimately the human body needs a break at least sometimes! Unless of course you are blessed with some unending supply of energy, every mum needs to relax and recharge! Think about the days when you are running pillar to post, trying to do it all, and end up all anxious that your little one might be all alone and plan some extravagant play activity to make up for the guilt of being away and finally when you sit down to actually play with your little toddler, you are tired, irritated and waiting to get done so you can check the box – spent time with baby, and head straight to bed! I can vouch for the days that I am well rested, have gone and spent some time with friends or read a magazine on topics unrelated to motherhood, and maybe even meditated for a few minutes, baby S and I end up having a perfect play date just cuddling laughing and having so much fun doing nothing at all! Some of my best and most treasured moment!
So basically by learning to let ‘good enough’ be my new perfect, by letting the house be a little messy and even allowing myself to be a little selfish sometimes, I end up giving baby S the best gift of some truly fun, totally magical and completely simple mommy baby time! And that special cherished time is all our little ones truly crave for, when we are totally and completely present in that moment without any guilt or some long-winded to-do list running through our mind. If being a little selfish sometimes makes me a good mum, then so be it!
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